Communicating with teenagers

Parents of teenagers are well aware of the changing landscape when it comes to communicating with their children. The rules have all changed, and so have the reactions. Sometimes it can be frustrating and demoralizing. But it can also be challenging and rewarding. What can a parent do to improve communications and relations with teenage children, especially when all the outward signs may signal that the teenagers don’t actually want to communicate at all?

A group of teenage gifted and talented English students from a Madison, Wisconsin high school once suggested ways to keep the lines of communication open with them. Here’s what they recommended for parents:

•      Don’t pressure us to achieve all the time.

•      Praise us when we do well.

•      Tell us you love us even when we act like we don’t want to hear it.

•      Be honest with us. We all know what it’s like to be lied to.

•      Don’t yell at us. Nothing makes us want to fight back more.

•      Let us form our own opinions about some things. Chances are they’ll be a lot like yours.

•      If we have a major problem, help us solve it. Don’t solve it for us; if you do, we’ll never learn how to function as adults.

•      Give us a chance to disagree with you without telling us that we’re “talking back.”

•      We love to hear about your teenage years. These stories don’t always have to be a lesson — they’re fun.

•      Never stop talking to us. You’re the only ones we can count on for reassurance and love.

This list was printed in a compendium titled “Parents—the key to better schools.” There is no doubt about the wisdom of the list, or of the booklet’s title. Parents are without a doubt the key to better schools. Their support of their children and their education makes more of a difference than all other factors combined.