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From the Desk of Bill Cirone...
November 24, 1999
Ways to Build Self-Confidence
It’s unfortunate that the very term "self esteem" has somehow been morphed into a code word for people of various political persuasions in a way that masks the critical importance of the concept.
Young people with low self-confidence are less likely to volunteer in class, they are less likely to try again if they make a mistake, and they are less likely to ask for help if they don’t understand something. They are less likely to take part in extracurricular activities, and perhaps as a result of all these other factors, they are less likely to succeed in school.
Students with adequate self-esteem don’t mind taking a few risks-they’ll volunteer their opinion when asked, contribute to class discussions, and continue to work on a problem until they get it right because they believe they can. These are critical elements to success in any classroom.
Here are some ways that parents can help support positive self-esteem in their children:
First, set aside time to give each child some undivided attention, without teaching, scolding, or "improving" him in any way. A half-hour before bedtime is a particularly impressionable period.
Then, help develop a child’s sense of belonging to family, community, and school.
Share your feelings, interests and hobbies. Let children know that their interests are also valued by the family. Strengthen family ties. Keep a picture of the whole family by the child’s bed where she will be reminded daily that she has a place in the family as well. Teach children about their past and their family’s past.
Set rules and regulations that emphasize the family unit. Insist, for example, that "in this family we build each other up, we don’t tear each other down." It can have startling results.
Develop procedures for resolving conflicts. Many families find a "family council" approach very useful for this purpose.
Give each child his or her own physical space in the home, even if it is only a shelf or corner of a room shared with a sibling. Decisions about what to keep in this space or how to keep it should be made by the child. A child should have her own seat at the table, too, so there will be an obvious "hole" if she misses a meal.
To increase your child’s sense of responsibility, teach choice, social competence, and the importance of participating and "earning ones keep." Make sure your child knows that life doesn’t just "happen," to you, it’s a do-it-yourself proposition. Actions contribute to outcomes that make a difference. Help children become aware of how they make decisions and how their choosing could be improved. Be sure children know they are responsible for what they feel, and that they cannot blame others for their feelings.
Teach children to influence others in a positive way. Insist upon good manners and set a good example.
Finally, help your child experience success. Break difficult tasks into small steps, and offer help and encouragement. Focus on a child’s strengths and aptitudes. Encourage them to take on increasingly challenging tasks. Help them set goals and devise plans for reaching them. All these actions can make a big difference.
© Santa Barbara County Education Office
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