Violent toys or games? Just say ‘no.’

These are trying and stressful times on a global level. The continuing war in Iraq creates news coverage and daily conversations that include more allusions to violence than is usually the case.

Because holiday season generally means time to buy toys for our children, it’s worth noting that this year’s menu of toys, videos, and games contains many that are as violent as ever. Once again it’s important for parents to think about the impact on their children.

What difference does it make if children play with violent toys?

Children learn through play and they absorb values by mirroring what they see and hear. When we give a child a violent toy or game, we’re saying it’s OK to play in that way, and that those activities are acceptable. There is a subtle message being sent — and one that in this day and age is reinforced at every turn — that violence is “out there,” and it’s OK — maybe even good — to fantasize about it.

It’s not OK for children to fantasize about violence, certainly not at the personal level. And we should make that message clear to our young people as early as we can.

The problem is that we live in a media-saturated world and the media themselves are filled with messages of violence. This is a big departure from when most of us were children. Many of us played with violent toys, but it was easier to separate that play from reality because the movies and shows we watched, the books and newspapers we read, were gentler and more innocent than the current fare. Play and fantasy were clearly separated from reality.

That’s not true today. Cartoons, reality shows, and games seem to blend with informational shows or news. We have become numbed to tragedy and suffering.

Giving a child a violent toy or game reinforces the notion that violence is everywhere and it’s OK to fantasize taking part in it. What’s more, the current advertising and promotion of toys and games has taken a twist that’s unprecedented. We now have toys and games that are developed first, and then cartoon programs that are created strictly to market those toys or games, under the guise of programming. The programs serve as models of how to play with those toys, and, more often than not, they are distressingly violent.

We all know the pressures our own children exert on us when there’s a toy or game they really want. Especially around holiday time, we want to give our children gifts that will make them happy.

But when movies, television programs, videos, and even the morning newspaper and the evening news are filled with messages of violence, it becomes more difficult to separate the cartoon messages from those of the real world. Our children are becoming numb to human suffering simply because news of it surrounds them at every turn.

As parents, we send messages to our children through everything we do, and — whether we mean to or not — through the toys and games we give. If we really hope to achieve a “kinder, gentler world,” we must act on those values and reinforce them whenever we can. Actions always speak louder than words, and giving violent toys and games can counteract what we say to our children about kindness and compassion.

What’s a parent to do under pressure? The hardest thing of all — just say no.