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These are
trying and stressful times at the international level and as is always
the case during war, news coverage and daily conversations can include
more allusions to violence than is usually the case.
Because holiday season generally means time to buy toys for our children,
it's worth noting that this year's menu of toys, videos, and games contains
many that are as violent as ever.
What difference does it make if children play with violent toys?
Children learn through play and they absorb values by osmosis. When
we give a child a violent toy, we're saying it's OK to play in that
way, and that those activities are acceptable. There is a subtle message
being sent — and one that in this day and age is reinforced at
every turn — that violence is "out there." And it's OK
— maybe even good — to fantasize about it.
It's not OK to fantasize about violence, certainly not at the personal
level. And we should make that message clear to our children as early
as we can.
The problem is that we live in a media-saturated world and the media
themselves are filled with messages of violence. This is a big departure
from when most of us were children. Many of us played with violent toys,
but it was easier to separate that play from reality because the movies
and shows we watched, the books and newspapers we read, were gentler
than the current fare. Our playing was clearly separate from other kinds
of messages we received from other sources.
That's not true today. We have been numbed to tragedy and suffering.
I read of a journalist who went home to visit his mother, some 50 years
ago, and found her sobbing in the kitchen. She said she had just read
in the newspaper that a terrible landslide in South America killed thousands
of people. She was crying for the women and children.
We don't cry today for far-away women and children from other lands
who are victims of bombs, landslides, earthquakes, wars, or even beatings,
because we have become numbed to it. So have our children. Even in the
wake of recent events.
Giving a child a violent toy reinforces the notion that violence is
everywhere and it's OK to fantasize taking part in it.
What's more, the current advertising and promotion of toys has taken
a twist unprecedented in our history. We now have toys that are developed
first, and then cartoon programs that are created strictly to market
those toys, under the guise of programming. The programs serve as models
of how to play with those toys, and are usually distressingly violent.
We all know the pressures our own children exert on us when there's
a toy they really want. Especially around holiday time, we want to give
our children gifts that will make them happy.
But when movies, television programs, videos, and even the morning newspaper
and the evening news are filled with messages of violence, it becomes
more difficult to separate the cartoon messages from those of the real
world. Our children are becoming numb to human suffering simply because
news of it surrounds them at every turn.
As parents, we send messages to our children through everything we do,
and —whether we mean to or not—through the toys we give. If
we really hope to achieve a "kinder, gentler world," we must
act on those values and reinforce them whenever we can. Actions always
speak louder than words, and giving violent toys can counteract what
we say to our children about kindness and compassion.
What's a parent to do under pressure? The hardest thing of all —
just say no.
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