April 12, 2006

A smoking and drug "end run" — help teens like themselves

Adolescence can be a very difficult time for young people and — despite common sense, lectures, and factual information — the temptation to experiment with tobacco, drugs, and alcohol is sometimes overwhelming, depending on a young person’s circle of friends.

Often, the best way to get teens through this period is to help them feel good about themselves, just the way they are. It’s been shown that young people who feel good about who they are turn out to be less likely to give in to pressures to be otherwise.

The National PTA identified some strategies in its publication Parenting:  The Underdeveloped Skill.

To help teens like themselves, be a good role model. Let them know that you feel good about yourself. Be human with your children. If they see that you, too, can make mistakes and improve yourself as a result, they will be able to accept their own mistakes and use them as learning experiences.

Reward teens when you can. Give praise, recognition, a special privilege, or increased freedom for a job well done.

Take their ideas and emotions seriously. Don’t belittle them by saying “It’s not as bad as you think,” or “You’ll grow out of it.” Accept your children as they are — don’t expect them to fit your mold in every way.

Also, make a wide range of activities available for your children so they can find the talent or activity they enjoy and do well. This will help compensate for the times when they feel inadequate in other areas. And remember that at times they need to do something that is not obviously productive, and that’s OK. Allow them time just for skipping stones, playing games or music, talking on the phone, making paper airplanes, reading sports magazines, or daydreaming.

It’s also a very good idea to teach teens how to deal with money. Teach them to spend their allowance wisely and balance their bank account. Tobacco, drugs, and alcohol take money to use, and sometimes it’s helpful for teens to see just how much of a “crimp” that will put in their “operating expenses.”

Remember that success breeds success. Have reasonable expectations for your children and give them goals they can accomplish. Also, concentrate on improvement, not perfection.  Give encouragement with each step.

Be available. Make sure they know that you will help if they want. Show them what they do is important to you. Talk about their activities. Go to their games, drama presentations, and award ceremonies. Remind them of the special things they have done. It is more important that they be reminded of the good things than the bad.

Most important, always let them know that you value and care about them. Sometimes, especially during the teen years, they don’t hear that enough.