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From the Desk of Bill Cirone...
April 2, 1999
Family Meetings Very Effective
Family meetings provide a great opportunity for open communication between parents and children. They can help greatly in reducing family conflict and can prove especially important for families with teenagers.
The family meeting is basically an event that encourages parents and children to treat each other with mutual respect. They seem to work well for problem-solving and for cooperative planning. It's been shown that family members who are part of a planning process are more likely to follow through on the plans, as well.
Here are some guidelines to help make family meetings effective and productive:
o As a group, establish a specific weekly meeting time.
o Rotate the leader of the meeting. Even younger children can serve as the chairperson with a little parental assistance.
o Set a time limit and stick to it. A good rule of thumb is one hour for adults and teens, 20 to 30 minutes for a family with young children.
o Make sure everyone gets a chance to talk.
o It's OK to air gripes, but the focus should be on reaching solutions.
o List all the chores that must be done, and be sure to distribute them fairly.
o Plan family fun and outings together.
o Evaluate the meeting together.
Several people have asked what to do if a spouse isn't interested in taking part. The answer is that it's fine. Family meetings should involve all who are interested. Many times, a reluctant spouse will decide to attend after seeing how the family meetings seem to generate cooperation.
In terms of how old children should be to participate, if they're old enough to communicate, they are old enough to take part. Ask them about their concerns. If they get tired and want to be excused, just let them go.
Also, it's best to keep in mind that children and teens do not have to be involved in all family decisions. Parents have several areas they may prefer to decide on their own, such as a new job prospect, buying a new car, or moving to another town. Children should be informed when the time is appropriate. But the entire family can easily decide on family outings, menu planning, allowance ranges, conflicts concerning other family members, chores, and planning for visitors. Often the mere act of including a child in the decision-making process wards off a host of misunderstandings and conflicts, and helps boost the child's confidence at the same time.
© Santa Barbara County Education Office
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