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From the Desk of Bill Cirone...
April 28, 2000
Talking to Teens
Good communication builds good relationships, especially among parents and children. It’s important to talk to your children and listen to them, particularly during the teenage years. Sometimes it is helpful to be doing something together when you talk.
Here are some guidelines proposed by "It Starts on the Frontline" for talking with adolescents:
First, show respect. Show your teenager the same courtesy and interest you would show your adult friends.
Be brief, whenever possible. The time to stop talking is before your teenager stops listening. If you must get a message across, feed a little information at a time. Then ask for comments before adding a little more. That will help prevent lecturing, which teens tend to tune out.
Be very aware of what tone of voice you are using. Often it’s not what you say but how you say it that conveys your underlying message. Pay attention to how loudly, softly, quickly or slowly you speak. You also communicate with eye contact and facial expression, whether you mean to or not.
Always be as specific as you can. Strive consciously to communicate in simple, specific terms. This will help prevent misunderstandings. If you keep your comments too general, you may know what you mean to say but your teen might miss the point or misconstrue your intentions.
It’s also a good idea to help your teenager empathize with you by expressing your feelings clearly. Reveal some of your inner thoughts. Let your child know you are also an individual and can be hurt by others, or even confused in your thinking and fearful in certain situations. It can help teenagers to hear their parents express these emotions and can be a real aid in communications between parent and child.
© Santa Barbara County Education Office
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