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Many challenges
emerge when tragedy strikes and a child is diagnosed with cancer.
It becomes a difficult time for all members of the family – including
any young siblings. It helps to know some of the typical reactions
and how to support all those involved, as outlined by the American
Cancer Society.
In the first few weeks it’s common for the sick child to stay
in a hospital for tests and treatment, and often their mothers or fathers
stay there as well. This means siblings may have to stay with friends
or relatives. It is normal for children to miss their parents if they
are away a lot. Make sure to talk on the phone often if this is the
case, or write letters. Being with a special friend or relative can
make a child feel less lonely. Things generally get less hectic after
the first few weeks, when the children with cancer can leave the hospital
and get their treatments at a clinic or in a doctor’s office.
A normal first reaction for siblings is worry. Cancer treatment can
be difficult and it can be hard to watch a sibling lose hair, gain
or lose weight, or not feel well. Siblings may feel “funny” about
feeling good themselves, and being able to go out and have a good time.
But it is important for families to try to live as normal a life as
possible. Everyone should try to continue doing the things they have
always done, especially in terms of sports, clubs, music or dance lessons,
and any other extracurricular activities.
The other common reactions of siblings are sadness, guilt, jealousy,
and even anger.
Sadness usually appears very early. Some brothers and sisters may feel
sad for a very long time. They may cry a lot and not feel like doing
much. They may be worrying whether their sibling will die. Remind young
people that it’s always sad if someone you love gets sick and
has to take lots of medicine. When routines return to normal, everyone
can start feeling a little better.
Sometimes siblings may also feel guilty. They wonder if they did something
or said something to cause the cancer. Remind them that thinking something
or even wishing something doesn’t make it happen. People sometimes
have bad thoughts about others, especially if they are mad at them.
Remind children that no one really knows why anyone gets cancer, but
it is absolutely certain that nothing anyone says or does or thinks
can cause the cancer to happen.
Another common reaction is jealousy or feelings of being left out.
Being in a hospital, missing school, and spending lots of time with
mom and dad can sometimes look like a good deal. Sick children often
get lots of presents, too. Siblings can be jealous of the attention
and the presents, and can think people don’t love them as much
as the child with cancer.
Explain to siblings that people give presents to children who are very
sick because they want to do something to make them feel better. Be
sure to tell them they are loved just as much as their sick sibling
and that if they were sick they would certainly get lots of attention
too, but it isn’t something to wish for because it feels so awful
to be that sick. Remind them it is normal to feel upset about the whole
situation.
Anger is also a common reaction, mostly because children don’t
know what to expect. One minute everything is going well and the next
meeting it’s not. This can disrupt everyone. The more information
children have, the better they are able to cope with what is going
on.
Sometimes rough times can help a family grow and become a little stronger.
Remind children that even though a very bad thing has happened, good
things can also happen to a family. Helping each other and trying to
understand each other’s feelings can make everyone feel closer.
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