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Tips for Parents

Table of Contents

Foreward

I. Attitude

II. Basic Subjects

Listening skills
Helping with reading
Helping with math
Helping with science
Helping with homework

III. Communication

Parent/child
Parent/teacher
Positive discipline
Self-discipline and self-esteem

IV. Some other important areas

Parents of preschool and young children
Parents of teenagers

V. Parent involvement at school

Volunteer code
Policy-level input
A parent's checklist

Tips - English version (pdf)

Tips - Spanish version (pdf)

Foreward

"Parental involvement in school." We've heard the phrase so much it has almost lost its meaning. We know it's a good thing-and the more, the better. But what exactly IS parental involvement? Are there different kinds? Yes. Are some kinds better than others? Yes.

Most parents' concerns boil down to a very basic question: What can I do to make sure my child has the best possible opportunities to get the most out of school?

There are many answers to that question, on many levels. The good news is that American public schools are by and large staffed with professionals who have under their belts more training, more research, and more understanding of how humans learn than ever before in the history of this nation.

Students who come to school ready to learn, ready to do their homework assignments, ready to listen and follow instructions will reap the benefits of a rich and rewarding education.

So at the very least, parental involvement should mean making sure that students do, in fact, come to school ready to learn: they are well nourished, well rested, they've done their assignments, and they understand it is their responsibility to follow school rules and respect their teachers. It takes parental involvement to make that happen. And here's the most important point: If parents do only that, they have done enough.

Many parents want to do even more.

This booklet was designed as a guide to help.

I. Attitude

Students who come to school ready to learn, ready to do their homework assignments, ready to listen and follow instructions will reap the benefits of a rich and rewarding education.

Parents can help by making sure that students are well nourished, well rested, they've done their assignments, and they understand it is their responsibility to follow school rules and obey their teachers.

Talk about school and teachers in a positive way, and talk about teachers and courses you liked as a child.
Encourage your children. Be generous with praise for their efforts. Compliment them for good work in school and good behavior at home. Try to make five positive comments for each negative one. Always be on the lookout for things a child does right.
Spend some time talking and listening to your children every day. Give them your full attention while they are talking. Look at them while they are speaking. Show interest in school work.
Encourage your child to discuss new ideas. Express your pride in the thoughts expressed and skills shown.
Make sure children get healthy meals, enough sleep, and good exercise every day.
Be sure you have clear expectations that are understood by your children.
Be consistent. Children need to know what is expected and what kind of reaction their behavior will get.
Look at causes of behavior, rather than a specific action. Frustration, boredom or discomfort might be at the root, and might cause other misbehavior if not dealt with.
Be sure to focus on correcting a problem, rather than placing blame for it. Avoid embarrassing a child in front of others.
Know that a child may need quiet time away from other children or from parents and teachers.
Know that what works one day may fail another day.
Sometimes redirection is all a child needs to change a mood. Or sometimes it is best to ignore a behavior. Behavior that is not reinforced may stop on its own.
Encourage personal bests in school and at home. Remember that personal best does not mean perfection. Children need the freedom to make mistakes and learn from them.
Let your family's priorities show. Your attitude toward school attendance and education makes a strong impression on children.
Support total attendance. Some absences are unavoidable, but the trend toward taking students out of school for appointments, vacations, and even shopping trips should be discouraged.
Help set goals. At the start of each new school grading period or semester, help your child set three or four goals for that period. Make sure they are specific and attainable.
Avoid undue pressure. Try to avoid comparing one child to another. Instead, inspire a young person to reach his or her own personal best.
Remember that every child is a winner in his or her own special way.

II. Basic Subjects

Teaching and learning are not mysteries that can only happen in a classroom. They can also occur when parents and children do simple things together. And the basic skills required for academic subjects can be reinforced with simple practice at home.

Listening skills

In most schools, children spend more time listening than they do reading, writing, or speaking-so developing listening skills is very important for success in school. The family dinner table is a great place to get started. Family conversations can teach children to express their ideas and listen to others.

Helping with reading

Routinely point out all words that connect to your child's life-things like traffic signs, signs at school, and those in stores.
Begin reading to children as soon as possible. The younger they are, the better.
Choose stories you both will enjoy. Your excitement about a story will show through in how you read it.
Vary the subject matter and the length of time of your reading.
Use plenty of expression when reading to your children.
Try not to read too fast. By reading slowly you will give your child time to draw a mental picture of the action in the story.
During suspenseful parts in a story, take time to draw out the words so your children feel the excitement and get drawn to the edge of their seat.
Encourage children by having books at home and by visiting your local library. Share the experience of checking out books together.
Bring books along on trips to the park, the beach, or in the backyard.
As soon as your child shows an interest in something-whether it's something seen on TV or overheard at a friend's, house-go get a book, magazine, or newspaper article on the topic. The secret is to follow up as soon as your child appears interested.
Make sure your children see YOU read for a variety of reasons every day.
They should see you read to gather information and learn about new things, and sometimes just for the sheer joy of it.
Start a family book club, and discuss books you've read. What parts were really good? What parts were not?
Start a chart for "the craziest place I've ever read." A typical list could include: under the stairs, in the park, in the attic, up in a tree, under the bed, etc. The idea is to illustrate that reading can take place anytime, anywhere, and it's fun.
Give books as gifts for birthdays, Valentine's day, the start of the school year, the start of daylight savings time, etc.

For very young children

Use Mother Goose rhymes and songs to stimulate an infant's language.
Start with picture books and build to storybooks and novels.
Show there's a difference between words and pictures by pointing to the print as you read out loud.
Show that words go across the page from left to right by following along with your finger as you read.
Show that words are made up of letters and are separated by a space.
Show it is the words on the page that have meaning.
Avoid long descriptive passages until the child's imagination and attention span can handle them.
Before you begin to read, encourage your children to ask questions. Then reward their curiosity with patient answers, right away.
Allow time to talk about the story after reading it.
Try not to have reading compete with television. Turning the television off for your child should be an action that is independent of plans for reading.

Helping with math

Be positive. If you let your child know you believe that everyone can be successful in math, your child will believe it, too.
As soon as children learn to count, put their new knowledge to work whenever possible. At home, have the child count out silverware for the table or pieces of cake. On outings, count the number of blue cars that pass or the number of windows in houses.
Play family games that use math. Card games like "Go Fish" or "War" teach children to count, sort, and use strategy.
Younger children can become familiar with numbers by playing with toy telephones and clocks. For older children, try bingo and dominoes.
Play games that use "play money" and teach how to make change.
Play games in the car that estimate distance or identify specific shapes along the road.
Ask children to keep track of mileage and expenses on car trips.
Read books that use math--counting books or books about shapes and colors are just as important as books on the alphabet.
Teach children to be calendar and clock-watchers. They can serve as time-watchers to make sure the family leaves on time for an outing or turns on the TV for a favorite show.
Let children measure the ingredients for your cooking.

Helping with science

Consider science-related outing for your family. Nature preserves and Botanic Gardens offer lectures or nature walks.
Encourage any interest in collecting rocks, leaves, shells, flowers, or other natural objects.
Provide a place to display the collections. Try not to show distaste for a child's interest in insects, the underside of rocks, scummy water, or other unappetizing aspects of nature.
Discuss family eating habits in terms of how the body uses various kinds of foods. Encourage children to tinker with old clocks or broken appliances--but be sure to remove electrical cords first.
Consider vacation trips to mountains, seashores, or forest areas, which offer chances to explore unfamiliar flowers and wildlife. Many industries offer tours of laboratories or plants. Aquariums and zoos also provide local treasures.
Public television offers many wonderful science programs. Check listings or ask your child's teacher for recommendations.
Demonstrate scientific thinking by challenging general statements with the question, "How do you know that's true?" or "What evidence to you have for that?"
Promote an interest in science through the gifts you give. Consider binoculars, a terrarium or ant farm; a microscope, telescope, magnifying glass or prism.

Helping with homework

Are the words "Time to do your homework" a call to battle at your house? Here are some pointers that can help in various situations.

Try to be flexible. A well-lit fully supplied desk in your child's room may NOT be the solution. Some children like doing homework near a parent, and some work best sprawled on the floor or at a coffee table. But most do need a quiet spot, a dictionary, and good lighting.
Be sure you know what your child's teacher expects on homework assignments.
Turn off the TV and radio. Some studies say soft classical music helps some young people think better. Experiment and see what produces the best results.
Talk to your children about their assignments. Help them plan their time.
Work ORDER can make a difference. Sometimes, doing the most demanding work first and saving the easiest for last works well.
Be around to help-but resist the temptation to DO your child's homework.
Meet with your child's teacher and support classroom efforts.
Discuss homework in a positive way. Remember your own homework struggles and let your child know you understand.
Stress the importance of good discipline at home and at school.

III. Communications

Parent/child communications

As modern schedules become crammed with activities, it can seem almost impossible to find time to actually talk with your children. Here are some ideas to keep open those all-important lines of communication. Once children understand they can talk with you on a variety of topics, you will be better able to work together to find answers and solutions to the problems they face. It's roundabout, but effective.

Without lecturing or criticizing, encourage your children to share their opinions on a variety of subjects.
As current events unfold in the news, tell your children your thoughts and feelings about them, and ask for theirs. Children profit from challenging conversations and enjoy receiving the attention.
Take advantage of drive time, and time spent in the waiting rooms of doctors and dentists
.Remember to talk and listen to your children every day.

Parent/teacher communications

The most important way to become involved in your child's education is to get to know your child's teacher and develop a close working relationship. Most teachers say they prefer to know what's going on in their students' lives. If you've noticed a problem, chances are your child's teacher has noticed one, too. By working together, you and the teacher may be able to come up with a solution that's right for your child.

To learn more about your child's school, make an appointment to visit the class.
Attend school events, especially open houses and PTA meetings.
Talk with your children's teachers regularly. If a problem arises, don't let it simmer.
Call the teacher as soon as possible to discuss possible solutions. Listen carefully to the teacher's analysis and suggestions.
Call your child's teacher if you see a dramatic change in your child's behavior-if a happy child becomes withdrawn, or a friendly child wants to be alone.
Call if your child's grades drop suddenly.
Call if there's been a change in your family. A new marriage, a divorce, or a new baby can affect school work.
If a problem develops in any area, find out what you can do at home to help.Find out if further testing or evaluation is needed, and find out what resources the school or community can provide to help. Ask the teacher, principal, or counselor for a list of community services and agencies that could help. Be aware that many parent support groups exist to help you locate resources for problems that affect young people.

Positive discipline

Good behavior begins at home, and that's where parents can help children become self-disciplined, law-abiding citizens.

Become familiar with school rules and regulations, and support them.
Take an active interest in your child's activities and talk to teachers about behavior patterns.
Stress the importance of good discipline at home and at school.
Encourage independence. Give your children a chance to make decisions about things that affect their lives.
Change misbehavior by setting positive goals to strive for, rather than negative ones to avoid.
Be a good role model by saying what you mean and meaning what you say.
Ask what happened to cause a certain act of misbehavior; don't tell your child what you think happened. Listen carefully.
Make clear what you want from your children and praise them when they do it.
Impose logical consequences for any misbehavior. Be sure the cause and effect link is clear.
Focus on what's good about your children, and expect their best.
Always show your love.

Self-discipline and self-esteem

Self-discipline and self-esteem are the most useful traits a student can take to a classroom, but they can be some of the most difficult traits to develop. Here are some tips:

Set limits for your children, but make only those rules that are absolutely necessary. Then make certain to enforce them.
Give your child responsibility. Be sure to acknowledge and praise your child's success in meeting those obligations. Even toddlers can put away toys if helped.
Make sure your child understands the rules that apply.
Encourage your children to join worthwhile groups with children their age. Groups such as scouts and athletic teams can offer fun, discipline, and confidence.
Actively support groups your child enjoys by attending games, concerts, plays, or other special events. Afterwards, be sure to praise your child's performance.
Find ways to help your child develop skills in different areas. Athletics, music, art, and creative writing are just a few examples.
Help children develop a willingness to work hard by praising their EFFORT, not just their results.
Help your children meet their responsibilities. If getting up on time is a problem, provide an alarm clock.
Reward efforts to act responsibly with a simple "thank you" or special treat. Always show how much you care.

IV. Some other important areas

Parents of preschool and young children

For new parents, or even veteran parents, the sheer volume of information on parenting can be confusing and overwhelming. Here are some guidelines to help you select information that's right for you:

Choose materials and authors recommended by friends or other sources you know.
Check out the authors' credentials. Investigate other books they have written. Do you agree with the viewpoint? Be sure to find books that match your own needs and beliefs.
Avoid "package deals" on books that include products, kits, or courses. Books on parenting should not be a commercial for other products.
Remember that children grow in stages, not at precise times. Choose materials that respect each child's unique style and individuality.
Trust your own instincts and experience.
To encourage your child's intellectual growth, do lots of talking and reading and listening.

Parents of teenagers

Parents often feel they've been thrown a curve when their children reach teen years because many of the rules and approaches that have worked in the past no longer seem to apply. Keeping lines of communication open during adolescence is a key to helping those involved get the most out of this challenging time of life.

Maintain a friendly attitude that invites closeness, trust, and cooperation.
Know your teen's interests, wants, needs, and activities.
Give information, not lectures. If teens get lectures, disapproval, or disappointment when they seek help or advice, they will stop asking.
Take time to work WITH your teen, instead of giving instructions.
Allow for mistakes and appreciate their value in terms of teaching and learning.
Talk to teens as equals-be knowledgeable, but not judgmental.
Be aware of your own values and prejudices.
Teens are extremely good at spotting them, and they value honesty in adults.
Use concrete examples instead of abstract notions.
Emphasize short-term as well as long-term rewards.
Talk about initiative, risk, and joy.
Try to use humor to help teens see the challenges you resolved in making your own choices.
Be a good communicator and give teens time to "percolate" information. It leads to a sense of shared control.
Remember that many teens show only subtle reactions to adult input. Your impact may be inversely proportional to their reactions.
Make sure your teen is serious about doing well in school. Young people who have poor basic skills or poor school attendance are at high risk of early parenthood and drug abuse.
Make sure your teen has considered goals for the future. Young people who view the future with hopefulness and have a vision for success make better choices today and tomorrow.
Don't pressure teens to achieve all the time, and be sure to praise them when they do well.
Be honest with them, and don't yell. It makes them want to fight back.
Let them form their own opinions about some things.
If they have a major problem, help them solve it. But don't solve it for them or they will never learn how to function as adults.
Give them a chance to disagree without saying they're "talking back."
Know your teen's friends. Children whose friends use drugs are more likely to experiment themselves.
Encourage your teens and their friends to spend time at your house. You'll have a better idea of what's going on in your teen's life.
Keep the lines of communication open. Young people who have trouble coping with day-to-day pressures may look for escapes.
Help your teen practice some ways of saying no. Quick, snappy comebacks, like "It's my life and I don't want to ruin it with drugs" often work well.
Help your teen set goals. Teens who know what they want to achieve will stay in school. Whether your child wants to be a doctor or a carpenter, an education is important.
Teach your teen that failure is something that can happen to you but it is not something you ARE. Everyone fails occasionally at something they try.
Stay involved with your child's school.
Never stop talking to your teens. You're the only one they can count on for reassurance and love.
Tell them you love them even if they act like they don't want to hear it.

V. Parent involvement at school

All educators will tell you that the most successful schools are those where parents take an active part in the process. Here are some tips on how to get involved:

Make an appointment to visit the school.
Look around and talk with teachers, aides and the principal.
Read articles about school board meetings in the newspaper, or attend them in person.
Attend school events, especially open houses, PTA meetings, and parent/teacher conferences.
Join your school's parent-teacher organization.
If possible, volunteer to help in the classroom

Volunteer code

Volunteers are the lifeline of public schools. Their contributions make a huge difference in the lives of children every day, whether they help grade papers, read to students, tutor those who need extra help, listen to oral reports, run off copies, chaperone field trips, clean up the campus, or do the thousands of tasks both large and small that join to comprise a school day.

The California State PTA created the following code of ethics for volunteers to help as guiding principles.

I will keep confidential matters confidential.
I will interpret the word "volunteer" to mean that I have agreed to work without monetary compensation. But I still will do my work according to the standards of the paid staff.
I will take to my work an attitude of open-mindedness—I will bring a willingness to be trained and an attitude of interest and attention.
Though I may have assets that my co-workers do not have, I will use these to enrich the project on which we are working together.
And while I may lack assets my co-workers have, I will not let this make me feel inadequate, and will still try to help develop good teamwork.
I will find out how to best serve the activity for which I've volunteered, and will offer as much as I'm sure I can give, but no more.
I must live up to my promise, and therefore will be careful that my agreement is so simple and clear it cannot be misundestood.
I will work with a professional attitude because I have an obligation to my task, to those who direct it, to my colleagues, to the students for whom it is done, and to the public.

Policy-level input

The policies of a school district are the very broad, philosophical guidelines developed by a district's governing board. Policies set the context for the operating rules that are carried out by the school districtadministration.

Though the development of policy is the responsibility of the local school board, parents are always welcome to provide input at regular board meetings.

Teachers and building principals are also always available to listen to suggestions, and many schools and districts have additional mechanisms, both formal and informal, for receiving parent input. For example, many buildings have school site councils and many districts have district advisory councils.

There is an important caution to keep in mind regarding policy-level matters: It is the responsibility of public school educators to follow policies and practices that benefit ALL students in their charge.

Parents understandably want what's best for their own children, and as a result, different groups of parents often provide conflicting input regarding requests and priorities.

Those parents who wish to have policy-level input should consider running for the school board or supporting candidates who reflect their views. Those duly elected officials represent a wide constituency, by virtue of having received the necessary majority vote to hold office. And they are elected by the community specifically to set policy for the district.

Information about running for school board can be obtained by calling the Santa Barbara County elections office at 568-2200 or the County Education Office at 964-4711.

A Parent's Checklist

Did my child get a good breakfast this morning?
Did I provide a nutritious lunch or money to buy one?
After school, did my child have a chance to tell me about what happened today and to share concerns or exciting events?
Did my child use the agreed upon time to complete all homework?
Did I make time to help my child with any problems that arose?
Does my child have any tests tomorrow? If so, has the necessary studying been completed?
Have I read with my child today? Has my child read alone?
Will my child get to bed at the regular time tonight?